BLC Podcast

• 00:00:57 — “Now Featuring Words”: Parker welcomes everyone to the “250th episode” and announces that the show now features words, which feels like an ambitious rebrand.
• 00:01:16 — All Fingers and Toes: The crew says they are broadcasting with all their fingers and toes, which becomes accidentally relevant later when the episode turns into death talk.
• 00:02:20 — Antonio Ben Fred: Fred starts doing an accent, Parker asks him to get closer to the mic, and the whole show briefly becomes a bootleg international lounge act.
• 00:03:05 — Spain Is Mexico’s Canada: The geography lesson nobody requested arrives early and confidently.
• 00:04:48 — Hayden Panettiere Name Disaster: The crew tries several versions of Hayden Panettiere’s name and lands somewhere between Italian restaurant and medical condition.
• 00:07:02 — Death Investigation for Pizza: The guys realize a nearby location has a pizza place, and Fred immediately sounds more interested in lunch than detective work.
• 00:07:08 — Crab Rangoon Pizza: The idea of crab rangoon pizza nearly derails the celebrity death segment, because BLC can mourn and menu-plan at the same time.
• 00:11:23 — RIP Dolly: The crew switches into sincere mode for Dolly Parton, which is rare enough to be its own special effect.
• 00:13:14 — Dolly Parton Day: The guys decide 9/25 should become Dolly Parton Day because of “9 to 5,” then start moving other national holidays out of her way.
• 00:15:19 — Make Room for Dolly: National Comic Book Day, Lobster Day, Quesadilla Day, and One Hit Wonder Day all get pushed aside because Dolly gets priority.
• 00:16:36 — BLC Hall of Fame: Dolly gets officially inducted and becomes the first BLC Hall of Famer with her own show holiday.
• 00:16:48 — Dolly’s Letterman Clip: The crew remembers Dolly telling David Letterman that people talk about one part of her body, but she has “a great ass too.”
• 00:21:59 — Tim Curry Left This Mortal World: Tim Curry becomes the third icon in the episode’s death-trifecta conversation, kicking off a massive filmography riff.
• 00:23:21 — Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties: The Tim Curry credits get increasingly strange, proving the man really was in everything.
• 00:24:28 — In Memoriam Before the Year Ends: The crew decides August is close enough to do an in-memoriam segment.
• 00:32:06 — Food News Begins: After a death-heavy first half, the crew pivots into Food News, because nothing heals grief like crackers and bad decisions.
• 00:32:56 — Fred Tries Matzo: Fred opens the matzo, smells cardboard, takes a bite, and immediately realizes the bit has betrayed him.
• 00:33:09 — “A Piece of Tile”: The matzo is described as backsplash, cracker, cardboard, and something large enough to hide behind.
• 00:34:11 — The Talking Matzo: Parker suggests Fred use the matzo as a face prop and become “the talking matzo,” which is probably a better character than planned.
• 00:36:44 — Matzo ASMR: Fred cracks the matzo near the mic while the crew treats it like high-end audio content for people with very specific problems.
• 00:37:04 — Fred Wants to Eat It but Hates It: The guys observe Fred repeatedly bringing the matzo close to his mouth, then pulling it away like it personally hurt him.
• 00:38:46 — Pro-Jelly, Anti-Jam: BLC takes its boldest food stance yet: “pro jelly, fuck your jam.”
• 00:41:17 — Coca-Cola vs. Jesus: The crew discusses the outrage over Coca-Cola allegedly blocking “I love Jesus” on custom bottles while rumors claimed Satan phrases got through.
• 00:43:35 — “I Love His Shoes”: Parker offers the perfect workaround for blocked Jesus Coke: just write “I love his shoes.”
• 00:46:31 — Questionable Meat: Imported meat, mystery sourcing, screw worm panic, and fast food distrust enter the chat.
• 00:48:24 — Screw Worm Joins the Show: The screw worm gets a voice and starts talking about meat, which is exactly as gross as it sounds.
• 00:55:05 — First-of-Its-Kind Bacon: Everything bagel-seasoned thick-cut bacon arrives, and Fred immediately starts questioning why anyone would mess with bacon.
• 00:57:39 — Stop Messing With Bacon: The guys reach food-news consensus: bacon is already great. Leave it alone.
• 01:00:16 — Upside Betrayal: Parker explains why the Upside app lost him forever after one denied submission.
• 01:01:23 — QT Hot Dog Trap: Fred remembers missing the $2.50 hot dog deal by one day and suddenly paying eight dollars for two gas station hot dogs.
• 01:03:15 — Thanks for Glistening: The episode ends with “thanks for glistening,” which is either a typo, a lifestyle, or the next BLC merch line.

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In Episode 252 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, Parker opens the show by admitting he forgot to write the intro, which is honestly one of the cleaner ways a BLC episode can start. The crew celebrates the newly expanded website archive, clarifies that the site does not really look new except for one button that leads to a million other things, and then immediately shifts into the main business of the week: selling chocolate.

Parker’s daughter is selling World’s Finest Chocolate, which gives him the chance to pitch Fred and Allan like a desperate school-fundraiser middleman. The bars are smaller, more expensive, and allegedly still the world’s finest because the label says so. That turns into a full candy-hustle bit about kids buying their own supply, cold-calling family members, door-to-door sales, QR codes, and Parker realizing he is paying taxes, paying for the trip, and now paying again through chocolate. Then the crew spins the whole thing into the Ten Chocolate Commandments, a ridiculous street-sales parody about never getting high on your own supply, keeping family and business separated, watching for the chocolate police, and staying dangerous in the candy streets.

The sales talk leads to scam talk. The guys riff on kids pretending to collect donations for football teams or lawn-care businesses, the minimal investment required to look official, and the power of a clipboard, a t-shirt, and just enough confidence to make adults hand over five dollars.

Then it’s time for sports. Football is coming back, Fred’s son is starting middle school football, and the crew talks about playing on a tiny team, getting number 62 instead of Fred’s old number 55, and being thrown into a scrimmage against a private-school football program that beats them 56 to 6. That leads into a viral story about a 16-year-old girl tackling a middle school football player from the sideline, which sends the guys into jokes about family loyalty, The Waterboy, sideline justice, and why the wrong person may have been on the team.

The sports segment continues through WNBA chatter, awkward naming jokes, Usain Bolt, and a Chinese humanoid robot reportedly running faster than Bolt’s top speed. The guys compare Bolt racing the robot to John Henry battling the steam drill, then spend several minutes realizing, debating, and rediscovering that John Henry dies in the story. That somehow becomes a broader conversation about man vs. machine, old Fox TV specials, Survivor, and why fighting technology is futile. Naturally, they consider letting AI do the podcast next week.

Before the break ends, Parker brings up Ray Chapman, the Cleveland shortstop who died after being hit by a pitch in 1920, because apparently “sports” now includes tragic baseball trivia and collectible cards from the 1970s.

After the break, the crew plays Would You Rather, and the episode gets even more unhinged. The questions start with waking up naked in a forest five miles from home or in underwear at work, then move into food vs. adult activities, erasing memories, AC vs. internet, being respected vs. being elite at something nobody values, punching or talking out of situations, nervous glitter sneezes, warm maple syrup sweat, mood-ring skin, thought-whispering hair, bean-sized men, man-sized beans, toes for $500,000, dog-controlled internet, cats writing traffic laws, three years in prison vs. two weeks in the Jurassic period, and underwater cave diving.

By the end, the guys have debated survival, shame, sticky syrup, dinosaurs, toes, caves, cavemen, and whether Parker is a caveman or just a man cave. It is fundraising, football, weird sports, robot anxiety, and impossible choices in one very sticky episode.

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• The episode opens as the “351st edition,” joking that BLC now has 100 lost episodes.
• Parker says summer is over as a concept, even if the weather is still very much summer.
• Parker crams a family vacation into a short North Carolina trip with Carowinds, Charlotte, food halls, slime, and an aquarium.
• A knife-store stop becomes a whole bit about balisongs, butterfly knives, “Jim James,” flippy flops, and $100 vacation parenting decisions.
• Parker explains injuring his knee in lake mud/sargassum, then making it worse during the Charlotte trip.
• The slime museum is presented as an overpriced, disgusting, child-hand-filled nightmare with multiple kinds of slime.
• Parker makes Hawaiian Punch-scented slime despite hating slime, then gives it away immediately.
• Parker’s knee pops while crossing a parking lot, but he refuses to fall because the pavement is too hot.
• He still drives a stick shift and hobbles through a mall aquarium because the tickets were already bought.
• The transcript has a glitchy middle section, but the usable thread points to Parker wanting a “signature scent” as a man of a certain age.
• Fred reviews the new Spider-Man movie and calls it the best Spider-Man movie he has watched.
• The guys discuss 4DX, Tom Holland, Spider-Man rankings, villains, multiverse fatigue, and street-level Spider-Man stories.
• Weird news includes a man taking steroids and drinking without working out, then entering a bodybuilding contest.
• Christopher Lambert’s health scare leads to a debate over the BLC Hall of Fame and whether you should honor people before they die.
• The crew talks John Cypher, Major Dad, Masters of the Universe, Fisto, Ram Man, and reboot disappointment.
• The Martin spinoff about Varnell Hill sparks a discussion about how long is too long to wait for a spinoff.
• McDonald’s gets roasted for becoming too expensive, too kiosk-heavy, too uncomfortable, and too app-dependent.
• The episode closes with Fred’s upcoming birthday and the usual “nobody’s listening anyway” outro energy.

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• 00:01:16 — 250 Episodes, Give or Take: The crew celebrates the 250th episode while openly admitting nobody is going back to count, which feels like the correct BLC accounting method.
• 00:02:16 — The Fred Intro Goes Off the Rails: Parker introduces Fred as “the Man in the Hall with the Big Balls” and “the Night Hawk with the Big Cowk,” immediately justifying the episode title’s general energy.
• 00:03:30 — Back to School Relief: The guys celebrate kids going back to school like they just won a prison break in reverse.
• 00:05:06 — Pay Them Bus Drivers: Fred explains the bus driver delay situation, and the crew turns into a surprisingly pro-labor podcast for a few minutes.
• 00:11:29 — The Quarter Incident Begins: Fred’s son gets quarters from a church lady, starts counting them upstairs, and somehow turns loose change into an emergency room visit.
• 00:13:58 — “I Swallowed a Quarter”: The video description of Fred’s son casually revealing the problem while the dog goes insane is perfect family-chaos cinema.
• 00:16:47 — ER Time: The X-ray shows the quarter stuck near the top of his chest, turning a weird kid decision into actual horror movie material.
• 00:20:57 — Which Way Did They Go In?: The guys discuss how the doctors removed the quarter, and the whole conversation gets as medically unhelpful as possible.
• 00:23:02 — “That Boy Make It?” Fred’s uncle reacts to the hospital news with the most direct family follow-up imaginable.
• 00:27:04 — Parker’s Odyssey Begins: Parker admits he went to see The Odyssey on Spider-Man opening night, surrounded by costumes, cops, and people being told to take their masks off.
• 00:30:16 — Wrong-Day Tickets: Parker realizes he bought tickets for the next day only after being confronted by the rightful seat owners.
• 00:31:05 — The Odyssey of Seeing The Odyssey: Allan points out that Parker’s movie theater struggle has become its own Odyssey, complete with sirens, harpies, and management.
• 00:36:02 — Cyclops Eye Review: Parker gets hung up on the Cyclops design and why a one-eyed monster still looked like it had spaces for two eyes.
• 00:39:15 — The Sirens Don’t Sing: Parker is annoyed that the movie never lets the audience hear the sirens’ song, which was apparently the one mythological concert he came for.
• 00:45:50 — Chainsaw Centaur Robot: Fredline News introduces a seven-foot chainsaw-wielding wildfire robot that the crew immediately identifies as nightmare fuel.
• 00:49:11 — Double-Dogging / Double-Donging It: The guys try to figure out the anatomy of the robot and accidentally land in episode-title territory.
• 00:50:52 — Tour de France Bra Cheating: Women’s cycling allegedly has a padded-bra aerodynamics controversy, and the crew handles it with exactly the maturity expected.
• 00:54:31 — Super Glue Is Not a Condom: Fredline News delivers a story so bad the moral is painfully clear: just use the free condom.
• 00:57:00 — Gordon Ram-C: The Gordon Ramsay lookalike adult-film story turns into a badger-den mystery and a fake porn-name workshop.
• 01:04:30 — 250-Episode Reflection: Fred says what he has learned in 250 episodes: he probably should not be doing podcasts. The show bravely continues anyway.

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• 00:03:50 — Slang School Begins: Parker announces a 2026 slang check so the crew can stay current, which is already the least current sentence possible.
• 00:04:47 — Mogging Explained: The guys learn that “mogging” means outshining or dominating someone, mostly through appearance, and immediately age seven years.
• 00:05:29 — Looksmaxing and Mewing: The crew breaks down looksmaxing, mewing, and the strange internet belief that your jawline can become a full-time project.
• 00:07:38 — Receipts Become Strip Club Receipts: “Receipts” starts as proof, then becomes proof someone paid cover, used the ATM, and ordered steak at a strip club.
• 00:09:40 — French Fry Mexican Restaurant: A Mexican restaurant with surprisingly good fries inspires the guys to invent French fry fajitas, which honestly might work.
• 00:12:53 — Menty B Arrives: “Menty B” is revealed as slang for a mental breakdown, and the crew realizes the phrase is both ridiculous and dangerously useful.
• 00:13:56 — Cooked and Crash Out: The slang lesson turns into a parenting diagnosis as “crash out” is described as losing emotional control, which apparently happens daily with kids.
• 00:17:16 — The Adult Slang Warning: Parker warns the kids not to listen before explaining a term that turns the show into a haunted internet dictionary.
• 00:21:47 — Concert Diapers: Fred explains that some fans wear diapers to keep their front-row concert spots, and the room instantly regrets being alive in 2026.
• 00:23:10 — Big Diaper Censorship: Fred briefly disappears right as the diaper topic heats up, creating a perfect conspiracy that Big Diaper silenced him.
• 00:23:47 — Blues Traveler Front Row: Fred admits the one concert he really wanted to be up front for was Blues Traveler, because apparently the harmonica demanded respect.
• 00:31:55 — Friendship Test Time: The crew celebrates Friendship Day by testing how well they know each other, which quickly proves friendship is mostly guessing and laughing.
• 00:36:28 — Darkest Secrets: The quiz jumps from favorite colors to darkest secrets, which feels like a survey written by a teenager with no concept of adult consequences.
• 00:41:45 — Dream Job: Boiled Peanut Man: Fred’s dream job becomes selling boiled peanuts from the back of a truck, and honestly, it may be his most realistic business plan yet.
• 01:00:00 — Biggest Fear: The episode closes with fears of falling, mountain stories, and the terrifying idea that the 250th episode is almost here.

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In “Vegan Chitlins” | Episode 248 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the crew serves up a buffet of meat, bad math, questionable introductions, and the debut of Odicius Jones, a man with his own Odyssey and a very intense relationship with 4DX movie theaters. Parker, Fred, and Allan kick things off with redhead confusion, Greek jokes, Grease references, white-people clapping, and a movie review that quickly becomes less about The Odyssey and more about surviving modern cinema. Odicius breaks down a “mid” new Odyssey movie starring Matt Damon, Tom Holland, and Elliot Page, but the real story is the 4DX experience: moving seats, face mist, wind blasts, fake arrows, rough seas, and enough theater violence to make a five-out-of-ten movie feel like a full-body event. Then it's time for the guys to test their knowledge of all things!  It's fat guy news and we're talking about our old buddy diarrhea lettuce, and we finally meet the guy. We're also talking about the best French Fries in the biz. Listen now for absurd comedy, movie theater chaos, and BLC-level mythology: https://americasfavoritepodcast.com

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In “Debone My Toilet” | Episode 247 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the crew opens inside what can only be described as a “buffet of meat,” then immediately derails into questionable freestyle rapping, attachable accessories, fake swagger, and Parker trying very hard to be the least white version of himself. Fred is introduced as “the modern age Noah, the show-er, the holy roll-er,” which is somehow both accurate and deeply unnecessary.

After some Harry Mack talk and the realization that freestyle rap is much harder when you are not Harry Mack, Fred brings the episode’s main disaster: his son’s toilet has been clogged for days. Like any responsible, budget-conscious dad, Fred starts with plunging. Then he buys a snake. Then he accepts the nightmare truth: the toilet has to come off.

This is not Fred’s first toilet excavation. The last time, he discovered someone had flushed the spring-loaded toilet paper roll holder. This time, Parker and Allan guess deodorant, toothbrushes, Legos, and basically every object except the actual answer: two rib bones. Yes, rib bones. Fred’s son was apparently eating ribs on the toilet and flushed the evidence, creating the most disgusting barbecue crime scene in podcast history.

The guys then dissect the mechanics of toilet removal, wax rings, snapped bolts, Home Depot loyalty, Lowe’s discounts, and the proper 3-2-1 method for smoked ribs. The bigger question remains: why was anyone eating ribs on the toilet? Was it secrecy? Efficiency? A meat-based bathroom ritual? No one knows, but Fred’s mother-in-law wins the segment by texting that the bones “must have hurt coming out.”

The back half pivots into death etiquette and the problem with saying “RIP” for people you do not particularly like. The crew brainstorms alternatives like “Rest in Pizza,” “Rest in Hell,” and other acronyms that should probably stay off memorial posts. They also joke through political death reactions, then shift into appreciating Sam Neill, Jurassic Park, New Zealand, Australia, Kiwis, Aussies, and whether certain countries count as “white people.”

It’s toilet repair, ribs, death, dinosaurs, and international confusion. Somehow, that is one episode.

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• Opening — Mad Hype, No Intro: The episode begins with big energy and Fred immediately admitting he did not think of anything, which is technically honesty and possibly performance art.
• Early Episode — Taco Bell as a Public Health Barrier: The guys admit Taco Bell getting expensive may be the only thing keeping them safe from themselves and several bathrooms.
• Early Episode — Couples That Fart Together: Parker turns love advice into gastrointestinal policy with the idea that couples who fart together stay together.
• Dog Debate — Cooper’s Big Question: Fred asks whether Cooper the beagle should get neutered, and the show briefly becomes the world’s least qualified veterinary panel.
• Dog Debate — “African Beagle”: While trying to explain Cooper’s unique coloring, the phrase “African Beagle” appears, and the episode earns its name in the dumbest possible way.
• Dog Debate — This Dog Won’t Hunt: Cooper’s backstory reveals that he was given up because he would not hunt, making him both adorable and professionally disappointing.
• Dog Debate — The Balls Grew Back: The crew suggests Fred could pretend the dog was neutered and later claim the evidence “grew back,” which is not advice, legal or otherwise.
• Social Media Segment — Facebook Is Mostly Anger: Parker explains that Facebook has become so miserable that the bots are bad, but the real people might be worse.
• Social Media Segment — Reddit Scam Logic: The guys talk about getting scammed online and somehow decide it is acceptable if the scammer at least bought weed with the money.
• Pool Photo Horror — Tagged Against Your Will: Fred finds out he has been tagged in shirtless pool photos, proving Facebook’s greatest crime is not bots. It is friends with cameras.

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In Episode 245 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the show opens with shame, confusion, and a quick debate over whether this is actually Episode 245 or 246. Parker declares the episode “the best show” in a deeply suspicious presidential voice, announces the show now has 7% more freedom, and introduces Fred with a description involving a deep squat that nobody needed but everyone now has to live with.

That somehow leads into Fred’s heroic tale of home maintenance. After a cheap plastic drain snake broke off in his bathtub, Fred did what any responsible adult would do: ignored it for six months while standing in ankle-deep shower water. Eventually, he pulled out a hair clog so monstrous it gets compared to a New York rat, solving in two minutes what he had dreaded for half a year. Personal growth? Maybe. Plumbing horror? Definitely.

The episode then shifts into weird requests from kids and the strange world of modern collectibles. The guys talk about trendy dumpling toys, fake rare collectibles, YouTube-fueled toy hype, and the moral gray area of “slightly opening” packages in the store to find the gold one. From there, it becomes a full-on card-collecting rant, with Pokemon cards, One Piece cards, scalpers, damaged packs, adult resellers, and the painful reality that grown men are fighting children for cardboard.

Naturally, the crew lands on favorite Pokemon. Parker picks Cubone because of the deeply tragic backstory, Fred goes with Jigglypuff because he is emotionally lighter than Parker, and Allan chooses “the yellow one,” which is either Pikachu or the entire marketing department at Nintendo doing its job.

The back half of the episode dives into celebrity contract riders and weird Hollywood clauses. Fred and Parker turn it into a guessing game, covering Dwayne Johnson’s alleged no-losing-fights rule, Danny Trejo’s commitment to making sure criminal characters face consequences, and Sarah Jessica Parker’s wardrobe clause. It’s pop culture, nostalgia, celebrity nonsense, and three grown men asking the hard questions nobody asked them to answer.

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In “The 250th Episode” | Episode 244 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the crew celebrates the week of America’s 250th birthday by proudly naming their 244th episode “The 250th Episode,” because math has never been part of the brand promise.

The show opens with the usual BLC ceremony: a little confusion, some Johnny Carson nostalgia, Allan being introduced from a legally safe distance, and an attempted national anthem moment that gets shut down almost immediately. Parker explains that this episode is tied to America’s big 250th anniversary, or season, or whatever it is when a country has been running too long and still somehow has not been canceled.

To honor the occasion, Fred brings what he calls “250 four facts” about things that happened on July 4th. The facts begin with the obvious one — America declaring independence in 1776 — before moving into the Erie Canal beginning construction in 1817. Fred explains the canal with just enough confidence to sound educational and just enough uncertainty to remind everyone this is not PBS.

Next up is Walt Whitman publishing Leaves of Grass in 1855, which leads the crew into a confused discussion about whether Walt Whitman was connected to chocolate samplers, poetry, or possibly national boredom. Fred even reads part of a Whitman poem, and Allan reacts like a man watching a hostage situation unfold in verse.

The historical tour continues with Shaka Zulu, the British, the Battle of Ulundi, and a few deeply American misunderstandings about non-American history. Then Fred covers the first Trans-Pacific telegraph cable, which somehow becomes a Teddy Roosevelt joke almost immediately. To round things out, Fred adds NASA’s Pathfinder Rover landing on Mars on July 4, 1997, while Parker remembers getting “fat white guy wasted,” which feels historically important in its own way.

Then the episode reaches peak patriotism when Abraham Lincoln himself appears to deliver a BLC-style Gettysburg Address about podcasts, farts, freedom, and stinky bananas. It is emotional, ridiculous, and exactly the kind of presidential moment this country deserves.

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