In “BLC Classic Theater: Great Value Spice,” Parker, Fred, and Allan revisit a Black Lincoln Collective classic packed with superhot peppers, the Spice Girls, terrible movies, calendar reform, Thanksgiving history, and the kind of questionable educational content only BLC can provide.

Parker starts things off by recounting the terrible decision to bite into an unidentified superhot pepper while driving through a residential neighborhood with absolutely nothing nearby to drink. That somehow turns into jalapeño margaritas, fake “no reaction” spice videos, and a deep dive into Spice World, including the crew ranking their favorite Spice Girls and attempting to remember basically anything about the movie.

Then Fred introduces the International Fixed Calendar, a proposal to replace the traditional calendar with 13 months of 28 days each, complete with a mysterious extra “Year Day.” Naturally, the Black Lincoln Collective immediately improves the system with ideas including Trumptober, Big Calendar conspiracies, and the possibility of creating an official BLC month.

Finally, the guys attempt to learn the real history of Thanksgiving, which goes about as responsibly as you would expect.

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This installment of BLC Classic Theater begins with Thanksgiving rapidly approaching and Parker making an extremely reasonable decision: acquiring a bag full of superhot peppers.

After visiting a local pepper grower, Parker and his son Jack end up driving through a neighborhood with a collection of peppers that look increasingly dangerous. Jack challenges Parker to eat one.

Parker accepts.

Almost immediately, his lips swell, his eyes water, half of his mouth catches fire, and he realizes there is absolutely nothing in the car to drink.

His original strategy was apparently to chew the pepper on only one side of his mouth so the other side “wouldn’t know.”

Science disagrees.

The story triggers Fred’s own spicy-food memory involving a giant margarita he unknowingly ordered with jalapeños in it. His son tries a pepper, claims “no reaction,” gets another piece loaded with seeds, and quickly provides significantly more reaction.

That launches the crew into a discussion of social-media personalities who eat spicy food on camera while pretending nothing is happening.

Eventually the word “spice” leads to the Spice Girls.

Parker explains that his wife had spent years trying to find Spice World, so he accepts the challenge and tracks down a digital copy. His reward is having to actually watch it.

The crew debates Sporty Spice, Scary Spice, Baby Spice, Posh Spice, and Ginger Spice, frequently forgetting who is who while trying to determine which member qualifies as the off-brand, Great Value Spice.

The verdict on Spice World is less enthusiastic.

Parker spends most of the movie asking what the plot is, trying to leave the room, and eventually learning that his wife thought he had fallen asleep.

He had not.

He simply wished he had.

After the break, Fred introduces a proposal from Moses B. Cotsworth for a 13-month calendar.

Under the International Fixed Calendar, every month would have 28 days, every month would begin on Sunday, and the year would contain an additional month between June and July.

Parker initially hates the concept.

Then everyone realizes it would make dates easier.

Then they discover Year Day, an extra day that belongs to no month or normal week.

Everything immediately falls apart.

The guys begin asking what happens if you die on Year Day, buy a car on Year Day, have a birthday on a Tuesday forever, or need to explain any of this to another human being.

Naturally, they conclude that Big Calendar probably killed the idea.

They also begin inventing replacement months, including Trumptober, which rapidly expands until it apparently contains most of the year.

Eventually, the calendar discussion becomes a bridge into Thanksgiving.

Parker has been researching the history behind his favorite holiday and decides to bring the guys the “dark side” of Thanksgiving.

The crew discusses the establishment of Thanksgiving as a U.S. holiday during Abraham Lincoln’s presidency and then digs into the violence, conflict, displacement, and mythology surrounding the broader Thanksgiving story.

The educational portion is repeatedly interrupted by bad terminology, arguments over British people being called African American, terrible historical guesses, jokes about BLC getting its own holiday, and the realization that Thanksgiving may not be quite as simple as elementary school made it sound.

By the end, the guys decide children should probably learn the complicated history behind Thanksgiving.

They also suggest cranberry sauce may need an entirely new symbolic meaning.

So basically: education.

BLC style.

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