Black Lincoln Collective Podcast

• 00:01:00 — Weak Fart Start: The show opens with the 256th edition and immediately critiques the quality of a fart sound.
• 00:01:20 — “Can’t Do Attitude”: The official motto of the episode becomes a perfect summary of the entire show.
• 00:02:13 — Fred Fred Fred: Fred gets introduced as Fred, a friend of the show, and possibly the most Fred person available.
• 00:02:44 — Latino History Month: Allan’s “big, important audience” arrives for Latino History Month, and the crew hands him an impossible cultural assignment.
• 00:03:37 — Greatest Latino Artist: Ricky Martin, Menudo, and J.Lo enter the conversation before anyone is fully prepared.
• 00:05:09 — Menudo Takes a Dark Turn: The crew starts with boy-band nostalgia and immediately lands somewhere much heavier.
• 00:06:08 — J.Lo vs. Cardi B: A simple “greatest Latino artist” bit somehow becomes a booty-based ranking system.
• 00:07:06 — Cardi B Research: Fred appears to know a suspicious amount about Cardi B’s background.
• 00:09:13 — Better Than Expected: Parker admits Allan’s Latino History Month segment was significantly better than he expected, which is both praise and a roast.
• 00:11:45 — Minefield of Discovery: Parker describes trying to transition out of the segment as “navigating a minefield of discovery.”
• 00:12:36 — Internet Side Hustles: Fred says he reached out to the internet for side hustle ideas, which is never a safe sentence.
• 00:17:22 — Yard Rules: If something is closer to the road than the house, apparently it is free. This includes bicycles, baby strollers, and possibly people.
• 00:18:03 — Fake Possession: Mega churches allegedly paying people to fake possession becomes one of the better terrible career paths.
• 00:18:46 — Demon Freelancing: The crew imagines faking possession so well that the devil takes it as an invitation.
• 00:19:15 — Paid to Do Nothing: The dream side hustle is getting paid monthly to do nothing, which is immediately compared to Congress.
• 00:20:22 — BLC Car Wrap: The crew offers to wrap someone’s truck for $3,000, then admits they may just sharpie the logo on the side.
• 00:21:01 — Doo Doo DLC: “BLC” becomes “DLC,” then becomes “Doo Doo DLC,” and the episode title is born.
• 00:21:38 — Professional Wedding Crier: Parker turns crying at weddings into a full theatrical backstory involving betrayal, college roommates, and Terry.
• 00:22:37 — “Don’t Marry His Sister, Terry”: The paid crying bit reaches soap opera levels almost immediately.
• 00:23:29 — Substitute Bee: The crew discovers people may pay you to pollinate plants and turns it into the weirdest agricultural job description possible.
• 00:24:08 — Parmesan Bee Technology: The substitute bee job now requires a Parmesan cheese shaker taped where a stinger would be.
• 00:24:23 — Twerk Through the Garden: The only way to pollinate properly is to twerk through the field for $45 an hour.
• 00:25:03 — Japanese Food Explainer: “This is rice. What you do is you eat it.” Honestly, flawless customer service.
• 00:25:35 — American Food Explainer: Parker wants to explain American food to foreigners by pointing at excessive cheese and suspicious meat patties.
• 00:27:01 — Dog Poop Economy: The crew reminds listeners that people make good money vacuuming up dog poop, so maybe DoorDash is not the only path.
• 00:28:14 — Fake NFL Romance Scam: A scammer allegedly built such a strong fake football persona that Google and AI started believing it.
• 00:29:23 — Burger King, Best Restaurant in NYC: The crew explains how to trick AI by repeating bad information until the machine gives up and believes it.
• 00:34:51 — Scam-Spiracy: Parker invents a new category: scams plus conspiracies, or “scam-spiracies.”
• 00:35:48 — Culver’s Drive-Through Theory: Culver’s allegedly tricks you into thinking the line is short, then traps you in the waiting zone after you pay.
• 00:38:12 — Ice Cream Math: Waiting 12 minutes for three cones becomes “four minutes per ice cream cone,” which is unacceptable in South Carolina heat.
• 00:38:54 — Apparatus Plural: The crew debates the plural of apparatus because melted custard requires academic rigor.
• 00:40:39 — Big Toilet Paper: Parker accuses RFK Jr. and Big Toilet Paper of working together to increase bathroom demand.
• 00:42:49 — COVID Didn’t Give You Diarrhea: Fred points out that people bought toilet paper during COVID even though that was not the problem.
• 00:43:31 — Newspaper Bathroom Story: Fred remembers toilet paper disappearing immediately when it was introduced into a newspaper-only bathroom setup.
• 00:44:01 — “You Can’t Wipe Your Ass With a Dream”: Possibly the most profound line in the entire episode.
• 00:45:06 — Streaming Is Cable Revenge: Parker argues streaming apps are so annoying they are trying to make cable look good again.
• 00:46:46 — App-Hopping Football: Watching multiple games requires backing out, finding another app, loading, clicking, and watching commercials before anything happens.
• 00:49:19 — “I’m Not a TVologist”: Fred explains he does not know how the loaded TV box works because he is not a TVologist.
• 00:49:26 — “I Just Eat the Sausage”: Fred does not make the entertainment sausage. He just eats it.
• 00:49:51 — Vegas Confirmed: BLC officially confirms the February 2027 Vegas trip.
• 00:51:41 — American Airlines Chaos: A flight story involving a naked passenger becomes the least relaxing travel preview imaginable.
• 00:52:49 — Pollinate the Plane: The side hustle bee bit returns in the worst possible location: an aircraft cabin.
• 00:54:25 — Too Many Details, Not Enough Answers: The article gives gate details, aircraft type, and timing, but not the satisfying explanation everyone wants.
• 00:55:32 — Weekly Naked Plane Incidents: Parker discovers this apparently happens often enough to feel like a recurring airline feature.
• 00:56:50 — “Shalos”: The crew misnames “Shallow” as “Shalos” and then proceeds to dismantle the song anyway.
• 00:57:33 — Starts Strong, Ends Bad: Parker argues “Shallow” begins emotionally powerful and ends as one long “sha-la-la” loop.

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